


Nobility Manners: A Single Step Guide on How Not to Act at a Noble Event

by madelegg



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, Omorashi, Piss, Piss kink, human toilet, if these tags aren't enough to turn you off then idk what to tell you, im regulating comments on this one b/c i am that scared, piss drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:33:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelegg/pseuds/madelegg
Summary: A guest arrived early to Lorenz's party and has kept Lorenz trapped in a conversation for over an hour! Guests are arriving now and he missed his chance for one last trip to the restroom; truly he is such a fool! And he calls himself a noble...
Relationships: Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Aivend Magus Lethei, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Original Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: The Privilege of Loving Him





	Nobility Manners: A Single Step Guide on How Not to Act at a Noble Event

Duke von Badeaux had been rambling to Lorenz about the newest portrait of his eight year old daughter for nearly an hour in the pre-ball mingling period of one of the Gloucester family’s seasonal parties, and Lorenz would never admit it, but he was quite close to causing a stir just to get away from the man. He had needed to use the restroom for some time now but had hoped to accomplish his greeting goal before he slipped away, and Badeaux was ruining all of that with his flapping gums. Lorenz glanced around surreptitiously, wracking his brain for a way out.

His mind flitted to Aivend. Where was he? Causing trouble, no doubt. Likely gorging himself at the buffet table, showing an incredible lack of the etiquette he grew up with. Perhaps he could use Aivend’s bad behavior as an excuse to slip away and scold him. Lorenz’s marriage to a rowdy commoner was well known after all.

But Aivend was nowhere to be seen. And more guests were arriving as well, being announced by the doorman. And Lorenz wasn’t there to greet them. And Badeaux was still talking. Lorenz’s heart was hammering as his anxiety spiked. If he didn’t get away from this man, if he didn’t mingle properly with his guests, his reputation would be smeared for days, maybe even a week, given how large this party was, along with the fact that Lorenz was hosting.

This party, to be specific, was the Spring ball, which was one of his most popular seasonal parties, given the favorable weather and the beauty of the blooming flowers that filled the halls of the Gloucester manor. Not to be confused with the Summer ball, which encouraged guests to wear warm colors rather than pastels and jewel tones and included a circus performance and a completely different spread of food. No, this was not the Summer ball, this was the Spring ball.

It drew nobles and middle to upper class members of society from across the Alliance to participate in a rare opportunity: face to face mingling with high rank nobles that were otherwise inaccessible or difficult to contact, particularly for those of lower rank. The idea was that all nobles (and even some lucky commoners) were welcomed to these parties, serving as the conception point for many business relationships, but of course, the richer would not allow themselves to be seen as anything less than all the wealth they were worth.

This meant, like any noble party, the opening mingling period could go on for hours as noble carriages with entourages as large as caravans came riding up to the Gloucester manor and waited to present their invitation and enter. The nobles considered themselves to be the entertainment for the Spring, after all.

Badeaux had transitioned from his daughter’s portrait to his family’s business, which was liquor production, making this good-natured man a massive figure in Fodlan’s economy. He specialized in wine, owning vineyards across the country, all run by his siblings, children, and nephews and nieces. He was one of the most important guests at this ball and Lorenz couldn’t disappoint him.

More nobles were introduced, entering with fanfare. Many approached Lorenz with delight and a kiss on the cheek and Badeaux waited patiently for them to be finished so he could continue.

_ Lorenz, you fool _ , he cursed himself.  _ You are solely responsible for placing yourself in this position, letting this conversation get out of hand. Did you think you had all the time in the world simply because the man arrived early? Fool. Idiot. Your father would have never made such a blunder. _

Lorenz felt a shudder in his full bladder, pushing hard into his pelvic region. It took everything he had to not press his knees together—an action that would be far too telling—but he was getting dangerously close to this becoming an emergency. And if he were to urinate in his hand woven, purple dyed linen dress pants… that may as well be the end of the Gloucester family forever! His children’s children would be ridiculed for his failings!

His bladder shuddered again. His knees twitched. What if it was already too late? All these nobles that had just entered, he couldn’t possibly greet them all fast enough. It would take another hour. He couldn’t hold it for another hour. And by then, he’d have to move straight into the ballroom for a toast and the first dance. To dance in this condition… Lorenz’s face paled. And where the  _ hell _ was Aivend?

“Oh my, but I’ve kept you so long, my dear boy!” 

Lorenz snapped back to attention. Goddess only knew how much valuable information he’d missed staring at the man with his mind completely preoccupied. His mouth spoke before he could even think.

“Not at all, Your Grace! If I only had the time, I would love to continue this conversation into the night-” Lorenz began and Badeaux laughed and patted Lorenz heavily on the shoulder.

“I’m sure you would! I’m sure you would, but I won’t keep you any longer! You have many guests to greet, you know!”

_ Yes, I am well aware _ , Lorenz thought bitterly. “It was lovely speaking with you, Your Grace!”

_ Now to find Aivend. That great brute, where in goddess name- _

Lorenz turned around and almost ran right into Aivend’s broad chest. He bit his tongue to keep himself from cursing at him.

“Fine time for you to arrive.”

“The hell are you on about? I’ve been around all night.”

Lorenz flinched at Aivend’s crass language in the middle of the crowded entry hall.

“Never you mind, dearest. Come, we need to greet our guests.”

He turned and walked toward the entrance to the great hall, legs unnaturally stiff despite how he tried to hide it, just as the doorman was announcing another guest. Aivend followed closely behind him, looking more like his bodyguard than his husband, despite his gelled back hair and custom fitted suit. The most expensive clothes in the world couldn’t change that dim scowl that rested on his face at all times.

Before they made it to their next guest, Aivend clapped a hand down on Lorenz’s shoulder. Lorenz shrugged it off and spun on him.

“Aivend!” he hissed. “You’ll wrinkle my overcoat! Why must you be so rough!”

Aivend was unphased, even if Lorenz’s remark was more uncalled for than usual.

“Stop, Lorenz. What’s wrong? You’re pale.”

“Tch, ridiculous. You may not understand this, given how little you care, but I am, in fact, under a degree of stress, being the host of—rrgh!” 

Lorenz cut himself off, forced to press his legs together as tight as he could manage as the slightest tinkle managed to dampen the inside of his undergarments.

“Lori?” Aivend’s eyes widened with concern.

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

“Get me  _ out of here _ ,” Lorenz hissed, starting to sweat.

He knew Aivend wasn’t going to be subtle about this, so he was thankful when all the man did was grab his arm and drag him off. Lorenz lied to himself about how much people noticed. Perhaps he could blame it on Aivend, who wouldn’t care if everyone at this party hated him. In fact, they already did.

Once they turned a corner, out of sight of the guests, Lorenz became far less composed, slowing down and squeezing his legs together, one hand on his crotch.

“Aivend-!” he whimpered. “I’m not…” 

He couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. This was it. This was the end of his life. There was no recovering from this. Even if he changed clothes, his leave of absence required to wash himself and change could take an hour, if not longer, and everyone would notice. The rumors would destroy him.

Lorenz looked like he’d already given up. Aivend, on the other hand, wasn’t about to let Lorenz pee himself if it meant he’d have to hear his dear husband whine about it every day for the next year. His eyes darted around the hallway. Everything nearby was archways to lounges or more hallways leading to rooms that Aivend couldn’t guarantee were empty. Then his eyes landed on a broom closet door, one of many scattered around the manor. It wasn’t ideal, but if the servants asked any questions, they could say a drunk guest must have pissed in there.

Aivend grabbed Lorenz around the waist and yanked him along, nearly pulling him off his feet entirely. He threw open the closet door to reveal a closet just large enough for one person, let alone two, but it was too late. He shoved Lorenz in and squeezed himself in behind him, knocking down brooms and mops to make room for them both among the shelves before he pulled the door shut with a click.

It was pitch black.

Lorenz was moaning and whining, pulling at his pants clumsily, trying to work out the six buttons required to free his dick. Or maybe it was eight. Aivend never knew when it came to his bullshit clothing. He’d expected to have more room to work with. Or maybe some light. But now he had neither. And if Lorenz let loose in here, it’d make a right mess of the both of them.

“Aiv…” Lorenz moaned, hands shaking. “Aivend I’m gonna pee, I can’t hold it!”

“Dammit,” Aivend cursed. His stomach wasn’t ready for what he was about to do, but he had no choice.

With his hands gripping Lorenz’s hips, he slid down into a squat, his back hitting the door, knees smacking shelves and upsetting mops. Using only his sense of touch to guide him, he found the crotch of Lorenz’s pants, half buttoned. He knew he couldn’t pop a single one or that would defeat the entire purpose of being in here, so he tried to undo the gaudy things as fast as he could.

When his soft penis was finally revealed, damp at the tip, Aivend yanked it out of Lorenz’s underwear and took it into his mouth.

“A-Aivend! Now is not the time for this!” Lorenz yelped

“Shhh,” Aivend hissed, whispering into the tip of his husband’s dick. “Let it out, babe, I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Y-You cannot be serious!”

Lorenz’s heart was pounding. There had to be another way. He couldn’t possibly pee into Aivend’s mouth! What a horrid, vile thing to—!

“Nnn… a-ah!  _ Ahh… _ ”

Aivend dug his thumb right into Lorenz’s bladder and his hot pee burst out in a hard stream. It immediately filled Aivend’s mouth and he grunted, gulping hard, trying not to choke or spit any out, but fuck, it just kept coming. Lorenz braced himself against the shelf on the back wall, knees quivering, almost falling over with the euphoria of the release. His head tipped back and he moaned, Aivend’s slick, wet mouth sucking the piss right out of his tip. 

Aivend could barely breathe, chugging his husband’s pee while Lorenz seemed to melt. Whether it was from shame or pleasure, Aivend couldn’t tell. His greatest concern was minimizing the splash as much as possible, but goddess, how much did Lorenz have in him? He must have been downing buckets before this ball, anxious as he was, and Aivend’s stomach was half full from the buffet table already.

But goddess, how Lorenz moaned, muffled by the cramped quarters of the broom closet but no doubt audible by anyone who may pass by. Lorenz was too far gone to notice as he pushed out burst after burst of urine down Aivend’s throat, grunting until the gush finally reduced to a trickle. Lorenz’s chest heaved and his knees quaked and his husband sucked and licked up every last drop, furiously wiping his mouth from whatever had dribbled out.

Aivend let himself sink down out of his crouch and onto the ground, resting his head against the door. He reached down to undo his pants, pushing them down and out of the way of his heavily bloated belly.

“Fuck, Lori…” he groaned. “You had a lot in there.”

Lorenz sank too, the space forcing him to sit between Aivend’s splayed legs, his half-hard cock flopping over the fall front of his breeches. For once, he had nothing to say. Embarrassment? Shame? They didn’t even come close to the shattering of Lorenz’s heart. And even in the pitch darkness, Aivend could tell Lorenz’s life seemed to be ending.

His calloused hand found Lorenz’s thigh and rubbed it gently. “You’re such a— _ urp _ —a good boy, Lori.”  


Lorenz’s eyes stung and his desperate hands reached until they found Aivend’s hairy, bloated belly.

“I’m so sorry, Aivend. I never… I didn’t want…”

“Hey, Lori, baby, shhh,” Aivend cooed. “You’re okay. You’re— _ hic _ —you’re okay. Promise.”

Lorenz sniffled loudly and took one hand away to feel for his handkerchief inside his jacket pocket.

“I-I’ve ruined everything,” he sobbed, finding his handkerchief and dabbing his eyes, and when that wasn’t enough, he held it to his nose and blew hard.

Aivend squeezed Lorenz’s thigh. “Lori… come on, baby, you haven’t ruined anything. You didn’t get your pretty suit dirty, you can go back to your party, everything’s— _ hic _ —gonna be fine.”

Lorenz looked up at his husband, desperate to be able to see his gentle eyes, but seeing nothing in the darkness. He reached out to find his scruffy face and Aivend nuzzled his cheek into Lorenz’s palm.

“How… how are you feeling?” Lorenz asked hesitantly.

Aivend took a slow breath. “Urgh… oof. Not too bad right now. Tight.”

“Will you go upstairs and get some rest? I will make an excuse for your absence.”

Aivend smirked, thinking he couldn’t care less if the pompous nobles in their ballroom knew he drank half a gallon of piss and needed a nap, but obviously Lorenz would never dream of admitting such a thing.

“Sure,” he said. “Just— _ hic _ —gimme a sec before making me get up?”

Lorenz swallowed hard, feeling his eyes sting again. “Of course, dearest.”

Aivend let out a sigh of relief, interrupted by a hiccup, and his body relaxed a bit. Thank the goddess. He wasn’t sure if he could get up yet, let alone pull up his pants. Lorenz wiped his nose one last time and then folded his dirty handkerchief and returned it to his pocket. Then he tucked his penis back into his undergarments and pulled the fall front up, doing one button to keep it in place before scooting closer to Aivend. 

“Aivend…” he murmured, the concern so thick in his voice it was almost overbearing. His warm hand touched Aivend’s belly again and started to stroke it.

“Mmm… I’m okay, Lori,” he said again, taking a deep breath. “I swear I’m— _ hic _ —I’m okay.”

“I will come check on you every chance I can get,” he said.

“ Don’t bother. You gotta be at your ball or whatever. I’m just gonna sleep anyway.”

Lorenz furrowed his brows. “Then I will be sure to escape the party as soon as possible to join you.”

Aivend chuckled again. “Lorenz Hellman— _ hic _ —Gloucester, leaving his own party early? Unthinkable.”

Lorenz nuzzled into Aivend’s cheek and kissed his scruff. “Only for you, my love. Anything for you.”


End file.
